


Home

by PadBlack



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Backstory, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Rape, M/M, Mention of Past Violence, Pre-Canon, Space Husbands, past betrayal, spiritassassin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9629543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadBlack/pseuds/PadBlack
Summary: It'd been ten years since he was deceived, since he was sentenced to an off planet labour camp.During this time the Empire came and destroyed the temple and murdered its servants – at least that's what he'd been told.He solely came back to say good-bye, to make peace with his past because there was no future for him on Jedha, no hope left – but maybe he was wrong?This is my take on how Baze lost his faith, Chirrut went blind and why they were separated for several years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The story was inspired by the song 'Over the Hills and far away' by 'Nightwish'.
> 
> As always, thanks to my wonderful friend Belsmomaus for the beta.

 

A hooded figure, supposedly a male because it was tall and broad-shouldered under the shabby cloak, walked slowly along the dusty road leading to the old temple.

 

He stopped at the foot of the temple and stared upwards to the remains of the once impressive building. Step by step he climbed the stones, carefully as if pondering each movement. When he reached the top he lifted his hood, took a deep breath and bowed his head in what seemed to be a silent prayer.

 

The man's face was sunken and on his head was only uneven stubble as his hair was shorn in a rush or rather ruthless way.

 

He let his gaze wander, searching for a familiar sight but there was scarcely anything. Everything was gone. _Everyone_ was gone. It had been years since the Empire came and demolished the temple. Even _he_ had heard about it.

 

There was nothing left, nothing for him to come back for.

 

He had just hoped beyond hope- but it was futile. He had lost everything more than ten years ago. His home, his purpose in life, his faith, his love...

 

He knew he shouldn't have come back but he had to. He needed to see, to finally say good-bye. Now he could make a new start, begin a new life.

 

The man let out a mirthless sound. What point was there in living? All the things he'd once deemed worth living for were gone, taken from him, destroyed. They had tried to break him, too, but he was too strong or rather too stubborn. He couldn't let them win, but in the end it seemed that he had lost already.

 

He sat down at the top of the steps and buried his face in his hands.

 

Tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow he would find a ship to take him away from this planet, his former home – Jedha. But tonight he would mourn his loss. He hadn't been allowed to do it for ten years.

 

He lifted his head when he heard soft footsteps accompanied by the tapping sound of a cane.

 

He frowned. Who would come to the temple ruins? It was nearly nightfall and what he had heard about the Empire's rules there must be a curfew soon enough. He needed to find a shelter for himself as well.

 

It was a slender man who headed for the foot of the steps. And now he could see that the man must be blind because of the way how he was searching the path in front of him with his stick.

 

The blind man suddenly stopped and cocked his head like he was listening, highly focused. He must have heard something.

 

“Hello?” the blind man called. “Who are you? Don't worry, I mean no harm.”

 

This voice. It sounded familiar but it couldn't be-

 

“Are you up there? You can't stay.” The blind walked closer, searching for the bottom step.

 

“Chirrut?” His voice was hoarse, unsteady. He hadn't used it much in the last ten years. There was no need in talking. No one had listened to him anyway.

 

The blind man's head jolted up.

 

“Chirrut?” he tried again, a bit louder this time.

 

“Baze?”

 

The blind man only hesitated a moment before he literally flew up the stone stairs.

 

The other stood up, waited, unsure what to expect. It couldn't be _HIM_. He was dead – or long gone.

 

“Baze? Is it really you?” The other man was panting when he reached the top of the landing, tilting his head left and right to get the direction of the other.

 

“Baze? Where are you? Please, show yourself?” Chirrut pleaded.

 

“I- I'm here,” Baze croaked and the next moment the other let his stick fall to the ground and threw himself into his arms, pressed himself against the taller man's body.

 

“It's you, it's really you,” he whispered again and again.

 

Baze stared down at the man in his arms. This was Chirrut? His Chirrut? Blind? How could he-?

 

But finally he hugged him back.

 

When Chirrut slowly lifted his head at him Baze could see the tear-stained cheeks in the fading light – and his eyes, they were eerily white-blue.

 

“What happened to you?” Baze whispered thunderstruck.

 

But Chirrut shook his head. He raised his hand searchingly. He let his fingers run carefully over Baze's face. The tall man stood still, didn't dare to move but this light touch on his skin made him shiver.

 

The next moment Chirrut squirmed in Baze's embrace and the other let go of him immediately.

 

“Come with me,” Chirrut said. He reached out with his hand. “Come, we need to go. We can't be found here at this hour. I have a safe place to stay. Come!” he urged when Baze made no move to follow him. “And bring my staff, will you?”

He made a step in the direction of the temple. “Come, Baze, we have to go.”

 

And finally the other obeyed.

 

*//*\\\\*

 

The place Chirrut let them to was one of the former storage cells deep down in the temple vaults.

 

They made a small detour to fetch an old lamp so Baze could find his steps in the otherwise pitch-black corridors.

 

“Well, it's not much, but it's home, well, now it is, with having you back,” the blind man chuckled nervously.

 

It was sparse to be honest: some blankets on the floor, few pieces of crockery and leftover food.

 

“The room is simple, even lowlier than our quarters as novices, I know, but I'm sure you'll remember the hot pool – it's just around the corner.”

 

Chirrut fumbled around and continued chattering, “What would you like for dinner? I've stale bread, a gift from the old lady at the bakery, some smelly cheese and I'm the proud owner of a secret spring, so we'll have delicious pure water.”

 

“What happened to your eyes, Chirrut?” Baze asked motionless.

 

“Are you hungry? You know, I'm starving,” Chirrut laughed tensely, ignoring the question. “Well, technically I'm always starving but I will share all I have with you-”

 

“Chirrut, stop!” Baze nearly shouted.

 

And Chirrut stopped dead. He hung his head and when he spoke again his voice was flat. “I knew you were still alive, it was my only hope. All those years, Baze- They took you away from me- I didn't know how I could bear every new day that came-” He sobbed but before he could collapse Baze's arms were around him, hugging him tightly and holding him upright.

 

They lost time of how long they just stood and embraced each other. Chirrut's sobs finally ebbed away and they made themselves as comfortable as possible on the blankets on the floor.

 

Baze held his husband in his lap. He was stroking Chirrut's cheeks tenderly. He couldn't believe that his beloved's beautiful warm brown eyes were gone, had turned into unseeing white orbs. It broke his heart all over again – he didn't know it was even possible.

 

When Baze pressed a careful kiss on Chirrut's forehead the blind man sighed softly.

 

“Will- will you tell me what happened to you?” Baze whispered.

 

“Is it important?” Chirrut asked suddenly in a harsh voice. “I'm broken, I know, damaged good and not allowed to call you 'love' or 'husband' any longer. All I'm asking for is a moment, a few hours of pretending that you're back, still with me, still my man-”

 

“What are you talking about? You haven't done anything wrong-”

 

Chirrut interrupted him with a mirthless laugh. “Oh yes, I did. I did things. Things I- I-” he breathed shakily. “I tried to survive, to run, but he caught me, threatened to let them torture you- and- and I believed him-”

 

“Oh, love,” Baze closed his eyes.

 

“He blinded me when I tried to run again and again. He told the others that I harmed myself and that he saved me- but that I was mentally unstable. He thought, when I was helpless I would be more- obedient. He was right- but when the clone soldiers came to destroy the temple, to kill him, the Jedi- He was such a coward. He didn't dare to face them. He wasn't worth to call himself a Jedi master. He ran. He tried to take me with him – and I finally killed him.”

 

Chirrut swallowed hard.

 

“But now the Force brought you back to me. My only wish, my only reason to survive, was the thought of meeting you for just one more time. I prayed to keep you save and I'm glad that my prayers were answered because now you are here – with me.”

 

“It wasn't the Force,” Baze growled angrily. “The Force betrayed us. How could it otherwise allow the destruction of its temple? How the killing of its devoted servants and guardians? How could it allow a Jedi, who had sworn to protect others and to live in celibacy, to lust after my husband – so obsessed that he plotted against us – accused me of steeling kyber and attacking him so he could have me sentenced to ten years in a labour camp, which had been supposed to kill me. He even circumvented a fair trial for me simply because he was the Jedi master in charge of the temple, the supreme leader of this part of the order. How could _the Force_ allow that he laid his hands on you, that he blinded you? - No, Chirrut, the Force isn't with us. It's treacherous and cruel.”

 

“So, you've lost your faith?”

 

“Yes, oh yes, I have. I've seen too much of what's done in the name of the Force. And what did the Force do? It did nothing, nothing to interfere, to help, to soothe-”

 

“It's not the way it works, Baze.”

 

“I don't care any longer.”

 

“So you don't care about me, too? Because I can't renounce my faith. I've learned that it's not for us to judge. It's bigger than that, bigger than us.”

 

They fell silent for a while. Then Baze cleared his throat and said quietly, “I understand if you don't want to have me around, that you can't, because without me you wouldn't have suffered so much- and I can't share your faith any longer, Chirrut, I just can't- but will you allow me to stay for the night and just hold you one last time? I'll be gone in the morning and leave you in peace-”

 

“What? No! No, you can't leave me like that- when I just got you back. Promise me, that you won't leave me ever again. I have never stopped caring about you, never stopped loving you. How do you think I've survived all these years? It was the thought of you, the knowledge that you were still alive–“

 

“You couldn't know that.”

 

“But I did! I- I felt it. Can't you simply accept my devotion to the Force? Because I won't give it up, not even for you. I believe there was a reason why you lived through all these years – or I – there was a reason that brought you back to Jedha even if you didn't have to because you must have thought that all was lost and everyone long gone – including me. There was a reason why I kept going even if I was humiliated, blinded- molested. And yet after the purge I refused to give up and die. There were other survivors, Baze, other guardians but they gave up, they fled from Jedha, from the imperials. Some went mad, some died of grief – but not me. I knew there was a purpose to remain, to stay. And here I am, still here to take care of you, to be with you – again – if you'll have me.”

 

Chirrut collapsed against Baze's body, drained, like his speech had taken all of his strength.

 

Baze pulled his husband carefully closer to his chest and Chirrut clung to him tightly.

 

“Maybe we can take care of each other?” Baze asked hesitantly with a tiny flicker of hope in his voice.

 

“Yes- yes, we can do that,” Chirrut whispered. “But let me take care of you first,” he suddenly snickered. “Let me take you to the hot spring. You need a bath.”

 

Baze chuckled softly.

 

*//*\\\\*

 

They both knew that the future wouldn't be easy. There would be arguments and fights. There would be hard times to come where they would struggle to survive – but for now everything was at peace. They were both where they belonged – Home.

 

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <3


End file.
